““A spoken statement can convey feelings.  Even the factual report, “It’s three o’clock” can be said so that it expresses anger or disappointment.  However, it is not the words that convey the feelings.  Whether the statement is perceived as a factual report or as a message of anger, or disappointment is determined by the speaker’s tone, emphasis, gestures, posture, and facial expression.  By contrast, the emotional state of the speaker is the content of some sentences.  Such sentences will be called “descriptions of feeling.”  They convey feeling by naming or identifying what the speaker feels.”  John Wallen.

    “ I am disappointed.”

    “ I am angry!”

    “I’m afraid going this fast.”

    “I feel discouraged.” 

All these statements describe feelings and the word “I” denotes ownership of the feeling.  There are 5 broad categories of feelings - Happy, Anger, Sadness, Fear and Guilt.  The more aware I am of my feelings, the more opportunity I have to make choices rather than being reactive because of my feelings.  The statement “You made me mad” is not accurate.  When you did what you did (behavior description), I felt angry. Feel what you feel and Choose what you do.  I can control my feelings just as I do my thoughts.

This was adapted from the work of Bob Crosby and John Wallen.

Reference:

John L. Wallen (1968), Northwest Regional Educational Laboratory, Portland, Oregon

LIOS, The Leadership Institute of Seattle, founded by Bob Crosby in 1969

6. Feeling Description (8:15)